Ok so I found this note I wrote down back in Nov 21, 2010 in my personal journal and I felt like I should share it. So here it is:
Ok I'm putting this in my secret blog spot because I'm completely writing this for myself, no one else...
Last night I prayed that God would reveal to me the joy/peace that surpasses understanding and show me what that is...I knew it comes from him and not the world. But he answered my prayer in a real awesome way. I had suspected what this before....but now I know for sure that this "world" is a dream. Let me explain.
When I dream at night, I believe everything in the dream is real. Its only upon waking that I realize that it ....wasn't real. Well that's the way this world is. We think its real because we are in it, but it is not real. The only thing that is actually real is God. That's why when the Holy Spirit comes down on a room or a person very very strongly it gets a little scary because reality itself seems to tear away. And now I know the reason for this sensation is that we are viewing what is actually real and the world fails to seem real in comparison. SO THIS LIFE is not real....at least not the way we think of it. Sure there are consequences for your actions. But in the same way that when you realize your dreaming while you're still dreaming....and therefore the dream is less important, that is EXACTLY what is true about our world. It also explains why the leading edge of science, quantum mechanics, is showing how our universe or reality is made up of....NOTHING! It doesn't exist in particles....particles are actually energy...and energy is actually something else...and on and on until science will discover; and is beginning to discover; that nothing is real. Nothing exists the way we previously thought.
It also completely explains why for most of my life, since I can remember, I've never felt a "part of" the world. Ever. Even in Elementary School as a little kid I remember the strangest feeling that I was sort of a visitor there. Maybe a permanent visitor, but I wasn't a "part of" it like the other kids were. This feeling has stayed with me in the back of my mind since before I can remember. I never feel a part of anything in the world. I always feel like I'm visiting. That explains why I took to ever-quest so strongly. It allowed me to escape this world that I have never felt a part of. But now I can take joy in the fact that Jesus wasn't part of the world either. Many places in scripture he says that he is not of this world and neither are those who follow him. Christians who have the Holy Spirit and are born again are NOT of this world....
Not in a figurative type of way, but in a LITERAL type of way. You are not from here! And knowing that all of this isn't real and is temporary is so comforting. The same way if you realize you're actually dreaming, nothing in the dream can really scare you anymore. Nothing in the dream is as important anymore as the "real stuff" that you know awaits you when you wake up. Well that IS the way it is. I think God gave us the ability to dream because we are made in his image. THIS REALITY IS GOD"S DREAM! Although he is perfect at keeping order and structure .... and I wouldn't say that God is asleep by any means... But other than that it is a perfect analogy...not even an analogy, I think its true. When we dream we create a world, however unstable and chaotic, and the people in those dreams aren't real in the sense that when we wake up they won't exist anymore.
Well God's "Dream" is completely stable and structured down to the last atom and detail because God is perfect. But we aren't real apart from this dream....however, when we receive the Holy Spirit we gain "eternal life". We've misunderstood what that means... Eternal Life isn't just living forever...it means God makes it so we EXIST the same way the He exists!! We exist outside of this dream.
Analogy: Lets say we go to sleep and dream, and we meet a guy in our dream named Jeff. Jeff can talk and think and Jeff believes he exists. But if we realize we are dreaming...we know that Jeff will not exist outside the dream. But lets say we have the ability to "Make Jeff Exist". We give him this "real" existence and then we wake up from the dream. AND we see Jeff sitting on our bedside....completely amazed that he is real now! Because he didn't realize that he wasn't previously real. And Jeff should owe us a great debt for that gift of being made real.. Well while this example is completely fictional, it explains exactly what happens when God gives us Eternal Life through Jesus. We are made REAL. Outside of this world that is a dream...God's dream if you will. That also sort of explains why God is all powerful, because its HIS dream, he can control anything and everything in it! It also explains the scripture that talks about how he holds the whole world in his hands....everything exists because of him. Because its his dream! Once again, I'm not saying God is asleep. But I'm trying to explain something that God revealed to me which is hard to comprehend and the best way I have to explain it is with the word: dream.
Knowing this world isn't "real" in the way I used to believe brings me much comfort and peace. It explains why I've never felt a part of it. It explains so much scripture about eternal life, and why those who don't accept eternal life on judgment day will be thrown in the lake of fire....with eternal fire. That means they will be destroyed...they won't exist anymore. Eternal fire is REAL fire, outside of this world. And it burns this "dream" away completely so that whatever it burns is no more. It literally burns away part of this dream. That explains Sodom and Gomorrah and how they were burned away with eternal fire, it wasn't fire from this dream. That's why God commanded those fleeing NOT to look back. Because they wouldn't be looking on normal fire, it would be eternal fire which destroys the dream itself, if someone saw that, they would know that they aren't real and would die. That's also why we can't look upon God, he's so real that if we look upon him we will die (unless we have eternal life through Holy Spirit). Which is why it is written that any who look upon the Lord will perish, but there have been a select few who have seen God in his splendor and glory...the select few had eternal life and so they could see God and not be destroyed since God had made them REAL. Anyone who is not saved is not real. When they become saved and gain eternal life they become real, apart from the world. They are real the way God is real. WHAT A GREAT GIFT!!!!
So our job while we are here is to wake other people up, let them know that the Creator of this dream is giving a free gift to us to become real. So that they may choose LIFE. They don't realize they aren't real. They are just like Jeff in the previous example, they don't realize that apart from the dream they don't exist. Through belief in Christ they BECOME real!
I NEVER want to forget this, its so comforting. And it also explains one last point that has always haunted me. I've always looked back to my past... my whole life... I've looked back and I've been trying to get something from it. Its almost like I look back and at the corner of my eye there is this thing that's so valuable, that I want back...that I used to have. But I realize now what it is... When I was young and a new believer I knew less of this dream and more of God. Children just know, I don't know how they know, but they just know. The longer I've been here, the longer I've lived in this dream the more I want to leave to be where I belong. I'm not saying I want to commit suicide, not at all! But the yearning I feel to go to where ... "I'm from" is strong. And when I look back to my past I feel that I was closer then than I am now. And its because I've now been here longer and then I was closer. But now that God has revealed this to me I also realize that looking back cannot get me there. I can't ever grasp that golden light at the beginning of my past. I have to instead look forward, because that soft glow is there also, because it is the promise that I will one day leave this dream and go to where I belong. I will be with Christ, with God.
Here, I'll get deep for myself, a couple blogs back I speak of feelings and emotions that are not of this world. They are fantastic, and I used to be unsure of what they were. I sometimes could capture them in my memories, sometimes in a moment, sometimes in the way a tree would bend in a forest clearing, sometimes in the crescendo of a song....but now I know. Those feelings are real. If I were to go in a time machine back to those memories, those feelings wouldn't be there...why?....because they didn't come from this world...they came from being so new in this world that I still felt those....they seem to fade with time. They are feelings of God, of where I am actually from. THAT IS HIS KINGDOM! Its real!! Its real!! And I am from that kingdom!! Not this dream. So now with that knowledge I can live out the rest of my life in this dream in joy and peace. Knowing that that golden light, that amazing feelings, are real and await me.
This illuminates all the scripture, Jesus speaks the truth! Literally, not figuratively... All who believe in him shall not perish (with the dream), but have eternal (REAL) life!!
