Light in the Heart

I am reading through Ephesians which talks a lot about how we are blessed with every blessing in heavenly places in Christ Jesus.

I am thinking about what that looks like in my life and I feel God gave me a great example.  Let us look outside.  I don't know what your outside looks like, but here outside my window there is my deck overlooking a massive expanse of sky.  I can see the pool, and also a huge green tree right in front of my deck.

Many times I look out there, but each day looks different depending on the weather.  Today the sun is shining bright and everything looks bright and cheery like a great painting.  The leaves look greener, the sky looks more blue, the pool looks inviting.

But last week, it was pouring rain.  The sky was darkened and ominous.  The pool looked creepy and uninviting.  The tree looked grayed out.  Everything looked sad.

All because of the weather.  The tree never changed.  The sky is still the sky.  The pool is the same....the difference is the WEATHER!  LIGHT changes everything!

Well this is the difference of the human spirit.  Our spirits were dead in sin.  Everything was in place....but nothing was alive.  But when the Light who is Christ comes shining in through faith in Him....everything becomes exceedingly bright, vibrant, ALIVE!

Its totally different than before.  But this is all inside.  Christ changes everything, like the sun that changes everything it shines upon.  Christ the son changes everything He shines upon as well.  But it takes faith to receive Him!   The joy I feel with His light shining inside me is unbearable...impossible to explain to someone who doesn't have Him.

The best way I can explain it, is to stare outside when it is gloomy and cloudy.  Then when the sun shines forth, go outside and feel the difference....we can have that same difference on the inside of us!

Its all about Light in the Heart.  Let the Light shine!

My Beloved

My Beloved,

You are the very air I breathe.  I yearn desperately for your presence.  I look at the clouds in the sky and I see your handiwork.  I look at the brilliance of the stars and see your fingertips at work.  You are Holy.  Holy.  Holy.  My lord God almighty.

Jesus I am your servant.  And I thank you that you call me friend.  I want to love those you love.  I want to serve those you serve.  I want to speak the things you speak.  I want all my body, mind, and soul to serve you forever. 

FOREVER!


My holy beloved, where are you so I can come to you???

You captivate my soul!  I want to be with you forever.  You’ve filled me up with life itself.  I cannot live without you.  I cannot survive without you.  I NEED YOU!!!

Fill me up my King!  Fill me up my LORD!  Fill me up my FATHER!!!

WITH YOU!!!!!

Live THROUGH me!  Let my body die so you can live in me!  Let my flesh die daily so your Spirit can work and dwell in me!  Let us commune together!

Come and let me worship you!  Come and let me sing your praises!  You are SO GOOD!!!  Let your GLORY remain on me!  Let me be a light for you!  Purify me! 

Purify me with your FIRE, with your Spirit!!  MY beloved!!! HOW I LONG FOR YOU!!!

Life without you is so empty!!  ITS EMPTY!! You are the filling, you are what I’ve always been missing!  Its you!!

Oh my savior, hold onto me.  Let me feel your great loving arms around me.  I can do anything with you!  When I can feel your presence with me I can stand against anyone and anything.  I can do anything with the wings of your righteousness!

Turn Left

On Thanksgiving morning I woke up and the Lord told me to go jogging.  Wasn't really in the mood to jog but I went anyway.  At the end of my jog I was about to turn around to go back after a few miles...and I distinctly heard the Lord tell me to turn left and start jogging down this dirt road.

Now I've been down this road only once before and there's nothing back there but an old broken bridge (it looks like it was a road abandoned a few years ago and its covered in woods.  So I obey and start to run down that road wondering why he wanted me to go down there....its important to listen to His voice, because it almost always comes really softly and its easy to miss if you aren't pressing into Him.

As I'm jogging he tells me that he is sending me to a homeless man.  Ok....so I start looking around to see if I can find him and I don't see anyone...completely alone in the woods.  I get to the old bridge and he tells me to turn left again, this time down some path in the woods.  I start to jog down this path and I run RIGHT INTO HIM!  Not literally, but almost!

The homeless man was much more started than me, since I knew I would find him.  Come to find out that his name is Jay.  He's from up north in Jersey but he's been living down in Georgia for about 3 years (mostly homeless)  He showed me around back there as I tried my best to talk to him and get to know him.  I really felt that the Lord just wanted me to love on him, so I did.  He turns out to be a really cool guy.  He shows me his secret path to his secret camp which is really impressive!  (I'll have to go back and take some pictures to post).

After talking with him I decide I'm going to bring him a pumpkin pie for thanksgiving since I had two.  But before I left I asked him if he was a christian and knew Jesus.  He said yes.  So I told him how the Lord had sent me to him.  I blessed him and told him how much Jesus loves him and hasn't forgotten about him....obviously, since he sent me in the woods to tell him.  I asked him what he needed.  He said he really needs some work and hasn't had a job in years.  So I laid hands on him and prayed that the Lord would bless him and give him a job.

I got his number (homeless guys have cellphones now...I know...I was surprised too!)  I jogged home and got him the pie...also felt the Lord leading me to give him one of my coats and a few other things.  I went to the store to get him some batteries (he uses it for his radio) and picked him up breakfast.  Funny thing...I grabbed a Yoohoo and as I did the Lord told me he was lactose intolerant.  However, I didn't distinguish that it was the Lord...thought it was my own thought...so I bought it anyway.  Well...of course when I meet back up with him to give it to him he says he can't have it b/c he is Lactose Intolerant!!!  Bah!  I need to train myself to hear the Lord better, lol.  I gave him everything and he was super freaked out over the coat because he said he was about to go buy that exact one from the store!  Well the Lord knew that also!!!! Hah, he knows ALL the details!!

Jay called me a day later and was super excited that right after I prayed he got a job!!  God is soo faithful!  He said he couldn't believe it and wanted to go to church with me so I brought him to Passion City.  He LOVED it!!  I took him out to eat at Longhorns afterwards.  He's a pretty gruff guy so it was funny seeing him interact with the polished servers.  Anyway, before we parted ways, he told me about how he was in the military and got injured in a helicopter crash and his neck still hurts.  Also he showed me on his leg he has a bullet wound...and I saw the actual scarr!  The Lord told me to pray for healing, so I laid hands on him and commanded the pain to leave.  He said he felt warmth on his knee (which is almost always how the Lord does it).

I since hung out with him with my brother and he was excited to say he has absolutely no pain now in his knee and has full mobility!!!!  JESUS IS THE HEALER!!!  His neck doesn't hurt as much either.....

It looks like he might be moving back to North soon so hopefully I get a few more changes to minister to him.  He wants to bring a friend to Passion City Church too....

All this because I heard that small voice say "Go Left".

Revelation

Ok so I found this note I wrote down back in Nov 21, 2010 in my personal journal and I felt like I should share it.  So here it is:


Ok I'm putting this in my secret blog spot because I'm completely writing this for myself, no one else...

Last night I prayed that God would reveal to me the joy/peace that surpasses understanding and show me what that is...I knew it comes from him and not the world. But he answered my prayer in a real awesome way. I had suspected what this before....but now I know for sure that this "world" is a dream. Let me explain.

When I dream at night, I believe everything in the dream is real. Its only upon waking that I realize that it ....wasn't real. Well that's the way this world is. We think its real because we are in it, but it is not real. The only thing that is actually real is God. That's why when the Holy Spirit comes down on a room or a person very very strongly it gets a little scary because reality itself seems to tear away. And now I know the reason for this sensation is that we are viewing what is actually real and the world fails to seem real in comparison. SO THIS LIFE is not real....at least not the way we think of it. Sure there are consequences for your actions. But in the same way that when you realize your dreaming while you're still dreaming....and therefore the dream is less important, that is EXACTLY what is true about our world. It also explains why the leading edge of science, quantum mechanics, is showing how our universe or reality is made up of....NOTHING! It doesn't exist in particles....particles are actually energy...and energy is actually something else...and on and on until science will discover; and is beginning to discover; that nothing is real. Nothing exists the way we previously thought.

It also completely explains why for most of my life, since I can remember, I've never felt a "part of" the world. Ever. Even in Elementary School as a little kid I remember the strangest feeling that I was sort of a visitor there. Maybe a permanent visitor, but I wasn't a "part of" it like the other kids were. This feeling has stayed with me in the back of my mind since before I can remember. I never feel a part of anything in the world. I always feel like I'm visiting. That explains why I took to ever-quest so strongly. It allowed me to escape this world that I have never felt a part of. But now I can take joy in the fact that Jesus wasn't part of the world either. Many places in scripture he says that he is not of this world and neither are those who follow him. Christians who have the Holy Spirit and are born again are NOT of this world....

Not in a figurative type of way, but in a LITERAL type of way. You are not from here! And knowing that all of this isn't real and is temporary is so comforting. The same way if you realize you're actually dreaming, nothing in the dream can really scare you anymore. Nothing in the dream is as important anymore as the "real stuff" that you know awaits you when you wake up. Well that IS the way it is. I think God gave us the ability to dream because we are made in his image. THIS REALITY IS GOD"S DREAM! Although he is perfect at keeping order and structure .... and I wouldn't say that God is asleep by any means... But other than that it is a perfect analogy...not even an analogy, I think its true. When we dream we create a world, however unstable and chaotic, and the people in those dreams aren't real in the sense that when we wake up they won't exist anymore.

Well God's "Dream" is completely stable and structured down to the last atom and detail because God is perfect. But we aren't real apart from this dream....however, when we receive the Holy Spirit we gain "eternal life". We've misunderstood what that means... Eternal Life isn't just living forever...it means God makes it so we EXIST the same way the He exists!! We exist outside of this dream.

Analogy: Lets say we go to sleep and dream, and we meet a guy in our dream named Jeff. Jeff can talk and think and Jeff believes he exists. But if we realize we are dreaming...we know that Jeff will not exist outside the dream. But lets say we have the ability to "Make Jeff Exist". We give him this "real" existence and then we wake up from the dream. AND we see Jeff sitting on our bedside....completely amazed that he is real now! Because he didn't realize that he wasn't previously real. And Jeff should owe us a great debt for that gift of being made real.. Well while this example is completely fictional, it explains exactly what happens when God gives us Eternal Life through Jesus. We are made REAL. Outside of this world that is a dream...God's dream if you will. That also sort of explains why God is all powerful, because its HIS dream, he can control anything and everything in it! It also explains the scripture that talks about how he holds the whole world in his hands....everything exists because of him. Because its his dream! Once again, I'm not saying God is asleep. But I'm trying to explain something that God revealed to me which is hard to comprehend and the best way I have to explain it is with the word: dream.

Knowing this world isn't "real" in the way I used to believe brings me much comfort and peace. It explains why I've never felt a part of it. It explains so much scripture about eternal life, and why those who don't accept eternal life on judgment day will be thrown in the lake of fire....with eternal fire. That means they will be destroyed...they won't exist anymore. Eternal fire is REAL fire, outside of this world. And it burns this "dream" away completely so that whatever it burns is no more. It literally burns away part of this dream. That explains Sodom and Gomorrah and how they were burned away with eternal fire, it wasn't fire from this dream. That's why God commanded those fleeing NOT to look back. Because they wouldn't be looking on normal fire, it would be eternal fire which destroys the dream itself, if someone saw that, they would know that they aren't real and would die. That's also why we can't look upon God, he's so real that if we look upon him we will die (unless we have eternal life through Holy Spirit). Which is why it is written that any who look upon the Lord will perish, but there have been a select few who have seen God in his splendor and glory...the select few had eternal life and so they could see God and not be destroyed since God had made them REAL. Anyone who is not saved is not real. When they become saved and gain eternal life they become real, apart from the world. They are real the way God is real. WHAT A GREAT GIFT!!!!

So our job while we are here is to wake other people up, let them know that the Creator of this dream is giving a free gift to us to become real. So that they may choose LIFE. They don't realize they aren't real. They are just like Jeff in the previous example, they don't realize that apart from the dream they don't exist. Through belief in Christ they BECOME real!

I NEVER want to forget this, its so comforting. And it also explains one last point that has always haunted me. I've always looked back to my past... my whole life... I've looked back and I've been trying to get something from it. Its almost like I look back and at the corner of my eye there is this thing that's so valuable, that I want back...that I used to have. But I realize now what it is... When I was young and a new believer I knew less of this dream and more of God. Children just know, I don't know how they know, but they just know. The longer I've been here, the longer I've lived in this dream the more I want to leave to be where I belong. I'm not saying I want to commit suicide, not at all! But the yearning I feel to go to where ... "I'm from" is strong. And when I look back to my past I feel that I was closer then than I am now. And its because I've now been here longer and then I was closer. But now that God has revealed this to me I also realize that looking back cannot get me there. I can't ever grasp that golden light at the beginning of my past. I have to instead look forward, because that soft glow is there also, because it is the promise that I will one day leave this dream and go to where I belong. I will be with Christ, with God.

Here, I'll get deep for myself, a couple blogs back I speak of feelings and emotions that are not of this world. They are fantastic, and I used to be unsure of what they were. I sometimes could capture them in my memories, sometimes in a moment, sometimes in the way a tree would bend in a forest clearing, sometimes in the crescendo of a song....but now I know. Those feelings are real. If I were to go in a time machine back to those memories, those feelings wouldn't be there...why?....because they didn't come from this world...they came from being so new in this world that I still felt those....they seem to fade with time. They are feelings of God, of where I am actually from. THAT IS HIS KINGDOM! Its real!! Its real!! And I am from that kingdom!! Not this dream. So now with that knowledge I can live out the rest of my life in this dream in joy and peace. Knowing that that golden light, that amazing feelings, are real and await me.

This illuminates all the scripture, Jesus speaks the truth! Literally, not figuratively... All who believe in him shall not perish (with the dream), but have eternal (REAL) life!!

Fire

I don't know what to write, because there is so much I could say.  There is so much I want to say.  But I have to be careful with my words.  So for him who has ears to ear, hear this.

I just got back from the Mighty Men of God Leadership Conference.  It was put on by my Uncle Paul and the Lord used him mightily.  The presence was there.  I can see that God is getting his Bride ready. I think that he will in many ways use this conference to impact the leaders of the Church.

It was also great to learn about all my heritage.  I learned that, like my Grandfather, my Great Grandfather was an Evangelist.  He spread the gospel in Syria back in the 1920s, and actually started a Church in Palestine (before it was Israel).  I learned that his parents were Hungarian Jews who most likely were killed in the Holocaust.  I learned a lot of my family history that I won't put down here.  But I will try to put up a few pictures of them from my uncle's study....

All those things were great.  But the real thing that impacted me during this trip was none of those.  How do I say this?  Fire.

FIRE.  There is a mystery in the New Testament that is hidden in plain sight.  And it can't be seen with plain sight, it must be seen with the Spirit.

I learned the reason why 2 years ago my life changed.  And also my brother's life.  We had the same experience, although at the time we had no idea what it entailed.  I had inklings but no substance.  Musings but nothing concrete.  Well there is nothing more concrete than the Word of God.  And in the scriptures I was led to the answer.  Fire.

I have been burning non stop for almost 2 years now.  Anyone who really knows me has seen it.  Commented on it.  Felt it in some way.  What's different? What's wrong with me?  I've always been a Christian...what changed?  Why am I so hungry that I am starving for the word.  I am so thirsty that I can't stop drinking in his presence.

Supernatural joy and peace.  Faith abounding like it never has before.  I've walked with Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior since I was a boy.  But now I am on fire.  Its all about the Fire.  2 Years ago I was set on fire.  And I haven't stopped burning since.  And its glorious.  I never want it to stop, and I know it won't.

I'm only going deeper into his Presence.  His Presence is everything.  Its real, tangible, and can be felt.
I am honored and so unbelievably joyful that last night my brother and I set my dad on fire too.  We didn't even quite grasp what we were doing, going out on faith in what the scripture said.  We just obeyed.  And all day today I could feel the heat from him.  Revelation after revelation unveiled before all our eyes.  Power now available in massive quantity.

My dad is changed, he is on fire.  And not only that, but that fire healed his back.  Miracle.  I've now seen and witnesses a miracle with my own eyes.  I can testify to that and witness that the Master heals.

"...By His stripes we are healed."  Isaiah 54:5

Its not just a nice thesis or notion.  Its truth.

The Bride must be purified by Fire before His Return....and this fire is wonderful and glorious.  I want everyone to have it.  I also want EVERYONE to know Him!  He is wonderful and he is LIFE.

But I will tell you a mystery that's been revealed to me.  If you are seeking the answer you will find it.  Jesus said we must Believe and be Baptized.  Believe on whom?  Jesus Christ.  Baptized in what?

Fire.

Acts 8

Cornerstone

Religion without Jesus is evil.

Church without Jesus is empty.

Laws without Jesus are harsh.

Love without Jesus is selfish.

The Bible without Jesus is despair.

Christians without Jesus are briars.

The World without Jesus is lost.

HE is everything.

HE is everything.

Everything that is was made by HIM.

Everything that is was made for HIM.

No one knows God without knowing HIM.

No one knows the Father without believing the Son.

So many claim God but reject HIM.

They are condemned.

So many claim to be full but reject the Bread of Life.

They are starving.

So many drink from the fountain of the World.

They are poisoned.

Find HIM and you will never thirst again.

Churches lift up the Scripture.

But its all about HIM.

Churches lift up the Law.

But HE set us free.

Churches lift up the Spirit.

But the Spirit glorifies HIM.

Churches judge the world.

But HE died for the world.

The true Church isn't an institution.

She is HIS Bride.

She is spotless because HE washed her.

She is righteous because she knows HIM.

She is joyous because HE loves her.

She loves others because HE overflows her cup.

Her only desire is to be with HIM.

HE is coming back for HIS Bride.

The wedding feast is being prepared.

The earth groans in anticipation.

YOU are invited.  All are invited.

But you have to know HIM.

Forget what you've learned.

Does HE know you?

Forget who you are.

Does HE know you?

Forget what you've done.

Does HE know you?

Because HE is not coming back on a donkey.

HE is coming back on a stallion.

Because HE is not coming with words of repent.

But with a sharp Sword.

HIS face will not be soft and meek.

But with eyes like flaming fires.

HE is not coming back poor and homeless.

But as reigning King.

HE alone has right to judge.

Many will claim to be HIS Bride.

Many will claim to be HIS followers.

Many will try and enter the wedding feast.

And will say: "Lord, Lord...did we not do many works in your name?"

And HE will say: "Depart from me...I never knew you." (Matthew 7:22-23)

DOES HE KNOW YOU?

HE IS EVERYTHING!

Passion

Its really been quite a long time since I updated my blog. Its hard to remember to write when I'm so busy at work but I'm gonna make more of an effort to now. I've been ridiculously blessed at work recently. I was promoted to Store Manager of a medium store now and my first two months there my assistant and I broke the all-time store record twice. This month we have already maxed out our budget with 10 days left to go...unheard of.

I don't feel worthy to be so blessed by the Lord. But I am thankful! I look at all the poor and struggling Christians in the world who love Jesus just as much as I do and wonder why he chooses to bless me so much. I try to make it a point to give wherever I can so I can bless other people and the kingdom as well. I want to be a good steward of the money he gives me.

Things have been going really well with my Small Group, I love those group of guys and we decided to stay together even after our 1 year mark. Could have asked for a better group of Christian guys to do life with.

I named this blog Passion because I have started going to Passion City Church now and I really feel a pull to it. For the first time in years I feel like it is MY church instead of feeling like a visitor. I really want to get involved and I applied to work with the High School group. Only they said they don't need any help there for a few months, so I've been kicking around the idea of going up to the front desk and just asking where I can serve. Even if its holding a door, I think it would be great to get more connected in what God is doing there. It would also probably be a great way to meet Christian girls....just sayin!